Things That Go Buzz Between Yer Legs: My Personal Review Of The Ladygasm Cici

I rarely, if ever, agree to do product reviews here on my big girl blog.

I just don't.

I have been asked to review some weird shit. Some normal shit. And so much shit I just don't care about. I don't care that it's free and I get to keep it. I really do have better things to do than eat, smell, wash, wear, listen to, or play your product. Yes, I'm that asshole.

Unless it's a vibrator.

Send that one. I'll take it. I'll review it right after my post about zuchini, because squash and fake penii are related, dontcha know. 

DUH.

That's how I ended up receiving a little velvet box (bwahaha) from the cool peeps at Ladygasm that contained a tiny treasure for my Lady Garden. 

It takes 2 AAA batteries in the screw-off base, which I provided. Cuz I am a Girl Scout, like that. (Really, I was a Campfire Girl, but whatever, I had the batteries.) And then I gave the new toy a good scrub down because for some reason it smelled like a swimming pool. Which is lovely if you want to swim in your Lady Garden, but I like to keep my swimming and buzzing separate. Call me old-fashioned.
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After taking it for a test drive, here's what I can tell you about the Ladygasm Cici (they call her the most affordable luxury vibrator, folks, like a Lexus for your twat—okay maybe I came up with that last part of the tagline):

  • It has two buttons on the handle area, one for power, and one to control the multiple vibration modes, which I determined to be a variety of pulsing and vibrating of either the g-spot stimulator and/or the little clitoral stimulator—allowing you to have the vibrator operate as a g-spot only, clitoral stimulator only, or dual g-spot/clitoral stimulating vibrator. 
  • The clitoral stimulator has nubs that reminded me of a toothbrush. More scrubby than rubby, if that makes sense. They aren't stiff, but they aren't rounded, either. Very Vagina Dentata, IYKWIM.
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  • The power was okay, but not super strong. If you're looking to rearrange the furniture, this isn't the vibrator for you. On the other hand, if you want something quiet that will get the job done, then the Ladygasm Cici might be your new best friend.
  • It didn't come with any instructions, which is fine, I mean it's not a super complicated product, but something telling you how many settings it has or even the product name would have been cool. Also, a free set of batteries would have been a nice touch. Thankfully, I had a big batch of new ones on hand.
  • I did like the fact that the two parts had their own independent motors vibrating separately, although more speed variability would be nice. What can I say, I like my sports cars and my vibrators to have manual transmissions with a lot of gears.
  • It's latex-free and hypoallergenic. The top half, you know, the fake penis part, is made of medical-grade silicone. Not to be confused with silicon. Totally different stuff, folks.
  • At just $25, it's a pretty reasonably priced vibrator. I know I've spent far more for less satisfying experiences. 
  • It was also easy to clean and the little "legs" on the base makeit easy to stand up to let it dry.
  • I wasn't able to find info on whether or not it's waterproof, which is something I like to know, generally as even if you don't plan on doing any underwater sports with your toys, sex can be a "moist" adventure, so my preference is for toys to be waterproof.
  • Having used it a couple of times now, and washed it the same number of times, it still smells like a swimming pool. Ew. I can't figure it out. Something about the plastic. Super weird.
  • I do like that it's bendy. Not floppy, mind you. It doesn't need to pop a blue pill or anything. It's just got a nice flex to it. And since we aren't all shaped the same, this is a nice touch.
Now, the fine print: the folks at Ladygasm were nice enough to offer the readers here a 20% discount off their normal website prices. Just enter CALIFMOM and shop away.  


 

Separating The Men From The Women: Home Waxing

waxtastic

My fingers are coated in wax. So is my man's lower back. Well, it was, until he whined like a chihuahua with its rhinestone collar stuck in the stroller wheel. Then I ripped the wax off and put some special cooling gel on his back.

Two sections.

Two.

That's what I got to do on him to even the score for him attempting to wax my vajay.

I look like a dog with mange. He has a smoothly waxed patch on his lower back.

He's snoring.

I finished my own ass waxing while he sleeps.

Boys are pussies.

Actually, given tonight's events, I'd have to retract that and say that boys are boys.

Pussies are some diesel shit.

Home waxing: doing Saturday date-night like a rock star!

You know you're jealous.

I'm seriously tempted to wax him while he sleeps, but he was such a good sport. I think he teared up while he was waxing me.

 

Are you there Califmom? It's me, Cleveland

One of the awesome things about having a blog is the blog stats. Oh, yeah. Blog stats are the little window into the minds of the people who drop by here to read the crazy shit I write. Most of y’all are average folk, reading my mind-dumps, looking for a laugh, keeping up with the crazy happenings at chez Califmom, or hunting for information on special needs kids or homeschooling. Howdy!

Occasionally, I get folks who find my blog searching for gems like “can I sell a used toilet?” (I don't want to know why you need to know this, dear reader, nor do I want to know why you'd want to know this.) or “Does Dave Matthews have Asperger’s?” (I don't know, you'd have to ask Dave Matthews.)

Other blog stats show me what readers search for once they arrive on my site.

Over the weekend, I had a reader from Cleveland who was hell bent on finding info on my site about vaginas and lesbians. This reader searched high and low. I’m not sure if this poor reader found the info he or she was looking to find, and this worries me.

Since this reader has come back again today, I'm going to do my best to provide some helpful links.

I haven’t spent a lot of time addressing gender identity here on my blog, and only minimal time on the love pita. I’ve posted an educational link to a video about the care and feeding of your vagina by the notorious Midwest Teen Sex Show. It’s a most awesome video. If you have a vagina, care for a vagina, or hope to one day care for a vagina, do take the time to watch the video. Maybe not at work, unless you have headphones, or a boss with a vagina who is particularly cool about her vagina.

And I’ve linked to one of my favorite songs about the vagina, My Vagina is 8 Miles Wide, by Storm Large. Again, best listened to loud, with other vagina connoisseurs. At minimum, you should have a cursory understanding of the word metaphor. If you don’t, click here.


But, I worry that maybe this reader was looking for more than I’ve covered here at Califmom. Maybe this reader was looking for advice. So, once again, I direct you, fair readers, to an expert. Jenny, The Bloggess, writes a wonderful column over at SexIs, and will answer your questions about anything sex-related. (She handles such sensitive issues as clown porn, tips for virgins, and unicorn sex.)

And, if you’re just looking for that vibrating bunny they gave away at BlogHer, you can order one for yourself. They aren’t that expensive. I have no idea how well they work, ‘cuz I actually gave mine away before I even left the lobby of the Sheraton. (Shh…don’t tell. You’ll totally ruin my reputation as a blogger who lets her children play with vibrators. I’m not that generous with my kids. Mama’s sex toys are not for children. Ain’t no freebies in my toy box. Knowing my kids, they’d have that shit strapped to the dog’s back, using it power his furry little butt around the pool, and that mutt can already swim.)

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