A PSA on Ghosting and Your Get Out of Date Free Card

Some swipe into your life and back out before you've so much as stalked their FB page. (Shut up, you do it.)

Others wait for you to memorize the curve of their neck.

Culturally eased by the advent of call blocking, ignoring, and deleting people, we remove traces of those we cannot manage to address.

I've done it.

I could tell you my reasons. Justify why after a night of being verbally abused via text I found it easier to just block a number. Peace out, Bro Scout!

Less understandable are maybe those depressions where I just couldn't or didn't want to explain to a complete stranger my inability to go or do anything. Or maybe I shallowly re-examined his profile and decided I just couldn't do it.

Let's be honest, sometimes Netflix is just wayyy too riveting or the game or your friends or your bed or that other person—been there, done that.

It's this one breed of ghost I do not understand...

The Here-Then-Gone ghost.

A ghost who truly haunts you. Like weren't we just mid-conversation?

It throws me into the worst rom com mentality: Did a bus literally run him over and OH MY GOD is he laid up in a hospital? Did he discover that typo-laden blog post with the now-broken links I wrote in 2005? Maybe he's a grandmother in Maine who can't bring herself to admit she just really wanted to see what cat-fishing was all about. Or she likes boobs, but her daughter has a porn block on the router. He's probably a raccoon and though the opposable thumbs made texting possible, he now realizes that pulling off the actual date is going to be awkward, especially when we get to the sex.

I could play this What If Maybe Probably game until my head pops off.

That's why it's called GHOSTING. If you allow them to, those ghosts will haunt you.

But the real answer is I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE DUDE BOUNCED. Whatevs. Could've been my ass was too sweet. Probably the real reason.

Shit just happens. See my own list of excuses as evidence. (Season finale of Scandal did just drop.)

What I do wish is that we'd all do a better job of simply being adult enough to text a sentence saying, "Yo, no can do."

Myself included.

Instead, I'm writing this PSA. Feel free to use it as your own Get Out of Date Free Card. Or text it to the person who ghosted you. Maybe they'll do better next time.

FINE ASS PRINT: Receipt of this blog post entitles issuer to ghost on your date, no questions asked. Yeah, it's a douche move, but it's a step up from no message at all and this is a step in the right direction. Yay team! As the recipient, it entitles you to delete, block, move on, swipe left...maybe burn an effigy. I don't know how far into this y'all were. You do you. Alternately, this post may be sent to the ghost, in which case, learn. Do better. Maybe send it back as your first step.