I spent the entire day wishing, willing, begging myself to stop being depressed.
Stop crying, I said.
I kept crying.
I dragged myself out of bed.
Myself crawled back under the covers.
I pulled myself into the bath.
This will make you feel better, I said.
I cried in the bath.
I pushed myself into the shower.
Try this, I said.
I told myself I was clean and could go to the store now.
Myself crawled back under the covers and cried.
I texted a friend to make plans. The friend was busy.
See, said myself. Nobody notices. Nobody cares.
Seriously? I asked. They're busy. It doesn't mean they don't care.
Myself wouldn't listen. Depression plugged my ears.
Here, I'll turn on the Happy Light.
Fuck the Happy Light, I said.
You know what?
I love you.
I'll email the doctor. Feeling like this is bullshit. Crawl back under the covers. It's gonna be okay. I promise.