I came across an old blog post this morning when I was still awake from a sleepless night. It made me sad, at first. Then I realized a deeper message in what I'd written, and it made me remember something Bob and I talked about quite often—our priorities.
Bob traveled a lot for work, and when he was home, he chose to spend his time either with us, his extended family, or his friends. He didn't spend his time doing many things around the house, and sometimes we let things slide that probably should have been a priority, but with the little time that he had at home, we always felt that he and we had our priorities straight.
Things I do not regret:
- sitting next to my husband in bed while we ate our meals together, watched TV together, napped or were online
- allowing other people help with laundry, meals, childcare so that I could be at the hospital and doctors' appointments and chemo with Bob
- unschooling our children in a way that allowed them as much time with their father as they wanted, given the circumstances
- spending time with my husband instead of spending extra hours cleaning my house, working in the yard, walking the dogs, washing the car, sorting the mail, or any of the other "shoulds" that just don't matter that much in the scheme of things
- lying awake listening to him breathe rather than sleeping even though I was exhausted because I just wanted to hear his breath
I regret none of those things. My actions were purposeful at the time because I loved him deeply and loved spending time with him. I am so very glad I lived my life with him the way I did.
There will always be toilets to scrub and laundry to fold. Sometimes, those tasks can be better done by others of left undone so you can enjoy the here and now with your loved ones. The laundry and toilets will still be there. They're patient like that.