There aren't words to adequately summarize losing my husband, my children's father, being stalked online by his brothers, then betrayed by someone whom I trusted to care for my children and allowed into my home, chastised by my parents for not meeting their needs during my grief, and losing a lifelong friendship because of deceit and loss of trust.
Fortunately, I loved and was loved by an amazing man for over two decades. I had that gift. My children had the gift of an incredible father who loved them. We have rich memories and strength to draw from when all of the shit hits. It has made us stronger as a family. We are a united force. We are fiercely protective of one another. My children may bicker like an old married couple, but do not mess with our family. We do not keep secrets in this house, and it makes us all the stronger when the attacks from the outside come. We laugh together. We yell together. We make mistakes together. We cry together.
And we have family and friends who make sure we are never in it alone. Thank you all for making sure we made it. Whether you sent us a single word or support of offered us your time, financial assistance in those early days, or never-ending physical presence, you have made all the difference in our lives.
In 2011, I have no resolutions, as I never do. They aren't my style. I do have some wishes. I would like to just be. Get that amp off eleven. Travel some. Love some. Eat good food. See friends. Hug my kids, a lot. Live, because I didn't die.