The Things I Still Cannot Do

As I brushed my teeth this morning, I realized I still have so many hurdles ahead of me. Small to the outside observer, but huge for me.

My husband’s electric razor still sits on the shelf next to the sink. His toothbrush, too. In our bedroom, his clothes occupy more space than my own, taking up the entire dresser, a full closet and some still wait in the laundry area on hangers to be put away because I just cannot bring myself to make the decision what or where or how. Not yet.

Paperwork. Mail. The mostly unimportant. The binder from Stanford from the transplant that never happened. It sits, too. All reminders of the work I have to do. The physical work and the emotional work.

I’ll get there. Eventually. Until then, it all waits. He waits. With me. Until I’m ready.