Biopsies And Breakdowns

Blue Beanie MeTuesday we’ll be starting our day at Kaiser with a bone marrow biopsy for Bob, then heading off to Stanford for a number of classes, appointments, and tests.

He’ll be signing paperwork for medical trials. I’ll be taking a caregiver class along with my back-up caregiver, my most awesome sister-in-law, Theresa. Bob will be doing some more blood tests, I believe.

Monday he had blood tests and a pulmonary lung function test. Later in the week it’s another PET scan.

We still have the housing issue to resolve.

The kids are both exhibiting signs of stress, which means Bugs tics are off the hook here at home and Peanut is in full-blown angsty teen mode, convinced we’re ruining her life because she can’t have friends over if they’ve been sick or around people who’ve been sick. All of this is normal and expected. And all of it sucks. For them. For us.

It’s not fair.

It isn’t.

It’s not fair that their father has cancer.

Life is not fair.

It is a shitty thing to learn when you’re eleven and thirteen.

It’s a shitty thing to learn, period.

And as the transplant date comes closer, and the reality of what that means, the possibilities, the risks, the future, comes into view, I need the support of my magical unicorn friends and my real-life friends. Because I’m falling apart.

It’s time for those funny notes you guys send, emails, text messages…those little things that keep me going. Throw some prayers in if you’re so inclined, too.