I have an uncanny ability to time the few times I get sick with Bob’s lowest white blood cell counts. This time I managed to wait for his counts to get down to 0.4 until I got a fever. I never get fevers. Ever. Even when I feel like a I have a fever, I don’t.
But last night, after doing a bunch of chores all day, cleaning out the fridge, running errands, catching up on laundry and just generally enjoying myself, I started to feel really run down. For the hell of it, I popped a thermometer in my mouth. 99.2. Must be wrong. Tried it again. 99.1. Tried another thermometer. 99.1. Tried it again. 99.1.
Spare IKEA mattress (4 in. thick, padded it with a comforter). Family/Laundry room floor (adjoining the kitchen). And the birth of a new motto:
Shade Down, Mask Up, That’s The Way I Like to Fuck…Cancer!
(Thank you 2 Live Crew for the inspiration.)
There are upsides to my current accommodations. For example:
- Sleeping next to the washer and dryer means I can have blankets with that “fresh from the dryer” feeling any time I want.
- I’ve always wanted a water spigot in my bedroom for drinking water because I’m THAT LAZY. Now, the kitchen’s in the same room.
- Better AT&T signal on my iPhone means I can play Words with Friends without having to constantly play the Airport mode on/off game.
But, I miss Bob. So, we chat and text. You’ve gotta love technology when germs are an issue. Here’s an excerpt from one of our recent chats. I’ve given it a title:
The Famed Tea Ass and Coffee Burro
him: how come amazon doesn't want me to shave?
me: i don't know. i need to check on that. brb
me: your razor arrived in san pablo today.
i'm guessing it'll be here tomorrow even though the estimated delivery date is 1/6
unless they're sending it by burro
him: that's possible .. doesnt juan pablo have a burro that carries his coffee beans?
me: juan valdez
him: err .. juan valdez
me: and it's an ass
him: same thing, they are all related
me: or a donkey
me: i can't remember
him: no, it's definitely a burro!
me: a coffee burro
they use asses for tea
i can never keep that straight
This is how you keep the love alive, people. Observe the masters.