Are you there Califmom? It's me, Cleveland

One of the awesome things about having a blog is the blog stats. Oh, yeah. Blog stats are the little window into the minds of the people who drop by here to read the crazy shit I write. Most of y’all are average folk, reading my mind-dumps, looking for a laugh, keeping up with the crazy happenings at chez Califmom, or hunting for information on special needs kids or homeschooling. Howdy!

Occasionally, I get folks who find my blog searching for gems like “can I sell a used toilet?” (I don't want to know why you need to know this, dear reader, nor do I want to know why you'd want to know this.) or “Does Dave Matthews have Asperger’s?” (I don't know, you'd have to ask Dave Matthews.)

Other blog stats show me what readers search for once they arrive on my site.

Over the weekend, I had a reader from Cleveland who was hell bent on finding info on my site about vaginas and lesbians. This reader searched high and low. I’m not sure if this poor reader found the info he or she was looking to find, and this worries me.

Since this reader has come back again today, I'm going to do my best to provide some helpful links.

I haven’t spent a lot of time addressing gender identity here on my blog, and only minimal time on the love pita. I’ve posted an educational link to a video about the care and feeding of your vagina by the notorious Midwest Teen Sex Show. It’s a most awesome video. If you have a vagina, care for a vagina, or hope to one day care for a vagina, do take the time to watch the video. Maybe not at work, unless you have headphones, or a boss with a vagina who is particularly cool about her vagina.

And I’ve linked to one of my favorite songs about the vagina, My Vagina is 8 Miles Wide, by Storm Large. Again, best listened to loud, with other vagina connoisseurs. At minimum, you should have a cursory understanding of the word metaphor. If you don’t, click here.

 

But, I worry that maybe this reader was looking for more than I’ve covered here at Califmom. Maybe this reader was looking for advice. So, once again, I direct you, fair readers, to an expert. Jenny, The Bloggess, writes a wonderful column over at SexIs, and will answer your questions about anything sex-related. (She handles such sensitive issues as clown porn, tips for virgins, and unicorn sex.)

And, if you’re just looking for that vibrating bunny they gave away at BlogHer, you can order one for yourself. They aren’t that expensive. I have no idea how well they work, ‘cuz I actually gave mine away before I even left the lobby of the Sheraton. (Shh…don’t tell. You’ll totally ruin my reputation as a blogger who lets her children play with vibrators. I’m not that generous with my kids. Mama’s sex toys are not for children. Ain’t no freebies in my toy box. Knowing my kids, they’d have that shit strapped to the dog’s back, using it power his furry little butt around the pool, and that mutt can already swim.)