Grandma's PTA

The Nude Maja, ca. 1800.

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We celebrated my niece's high school graduation over the weekend with a party at my in-laws' house. This meant a gathering of mass proportions, as my husband's family is, um, well, really really fertile. (I'll have pictures up soon to prove it.)Thankfully, my in-laws have an enormous house.

This also meant I got to see both sisters-in-law, along with a slew of my nieces and a nephew and all of their kids. (I married the baby of a big family, which explains why I have nieces not much younger than I.)

I was coming out of the bathroom when I bumped into sister-in-law, T, in the hallway. She's the mother of the graduate, older than I am by about 4 years. We've known each other since before kids, while I was still in college dating her brother, now my hubby.

Me: "So what's the deal, T. As we age, I totally get that our boobs and butts start sagging, but what is with the pubic hairs following the same migratory path? I mean, this shit's growing lower and lower all the time. I'm doing gymnastics in the shower trying to get to places that never even had hair when I was 18."

T: "I know! What the hell? It's like I have a bucky bulge now. It sure wasn't like this when I was younger. It takes me half a day and 4 sets of batteries just to get this trimmed down to reasonable."

Me: "Let's go ask your big sister what the deal is. She's older, she should have some sage wisdom on this."

T: "Yeah, let's go find L and ask her."

We stumble charge off, drinks in hand, in search of L, find her, shoo her grandkids away, and get down to the inquisition.

Me: "Your sister and I have a question for you...a Big Sister question."

T: "What's with this overgrown pubic hair as we get older. I never had to trim the grounds like I do now."

Me: "I can't even use a battery-operated trimmer because it chokes out. I had to buy one that plugs into the wall."

L: "Oh, you guys, it won't be long before you can stop shaving and trimming altogether. I just stops growing."

Me & T: "What? Really? This is temporary? Why don't mothers tell you this stuff?"

T: "Even the nipple hair?"

L: "Yeah, even the nipple hair."

T: "I made it a point to tell my own daughters about the need to shave your pits and pubes to keep the odor down. Mom never told me anything about that."

L: "Well, Grandma was the one who told me."

Me & T: "WHAT? Grandma? Are you kidding?"

L: "The PTA. Grandma is the one that told me about the PTA."

Me & T: "The PTA?"

L: "Yeah, PTA: pussy, tits, and armpits."

I knew Grandma in her later years. She passed when I was pregnant with Peanut, who is now 10.

I'm thinking of sending L my therapy bills.

Hoping T is holding up alright.

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