Just Your Average Saturday


Yesterday, I awoke at 4:30am, on purpose, to accompany Carol on a sailboat while her husband swam around Angel Island in the San Francisco Bay, on purpose.


Before I could face the day, I needed a latte. I stuck a post-it note on my door that read "Went to get coffee. Be right back." That way, Carol would not think I had left town to avoid waking up early on a Saturday. Post-it in place, I hopped into the minivan and raced over to the closest Starbucks. Yes, I know I could have walked. That would have made it easier to photograph this on my way:

Turkey in the Burbs

Once we got to San Francisco, I got myself another latte, on purpose. This time, I was using it as a pre-warmer for the trip ahead. We met up with the other swimmers, sailors, and passengers at the South End Rowing Club.

Our sailboat captain was Paul.

Pilot Paul & Flag Girl Mollie

I have no pictures of his faithful assistants, Hornblower Tom and Super-cool Kathy, (nor many of the Other People) because my camera battery died. Tom and Kathy are Cool Kids. (They are actually Extra Cool Kids because they live next door to a guy from Cake. OMG! OMG!) Sorry, Other People. Next time, I will remember to charge my battery AND wake up early.

Paul's wife, Mollie, was also on our boat. Mollie is a swimmer, not a sailor. On Saturday, she was a swimmer who was unsure about getting into the freezing butt cold water after sailing through the freezing butt cold wind.

Will she do it?

The rest of us on the boat were not swimmers. We were The Cool Kids. The Cool Kids suggested Mollie stay on the boat. The Cool Kids offered to support Mollie in her decision to be a quitter. Cool Kids don't swim in freezing butt cold water. We wanted Mollie to join our club.

It only took one near death experience* to motivated Mollie to become superhero Flag Girl. After one speeding asshole, apparently colorblind AND stupid, drove his boat at Mach-speed through our pod of swimmers without slowing down one iota, Flag Girl would not leave her post.

Mollie considers career as Flag Girl

*You'd think that even a Colossal Dipshit would have noticed two sailboats full of people jumping up and down, screaming "Swimmers in the Water", waving orange flags to signal "Swimmers in the Water", and flailing their arms about, would have possibly drawn the attention of even a Colossal Dipshit. You might also believe that even a Colossal Dipshit would not drive his boat through 30 fishing boats at top speed, lest one of the fisherman snag his Colossal Dipshit ass out of his speeding boat, gut, and grill him. As it turns out, nothing stops a Colossal Dipshit. Only Fairy Godmothers or superhero Flag Girl can save you.

Mollie looked different when she changed into Flag Girl, don't you think?

Mollie confirms Flag Girl career choice

It was a damn good thing Flag Girl was with us because the next thing we new, Pirates were on our tail starboard side.

Pursuit by Pirates

Look closely, their mast is made of the skins of virgins, so says Flag Girl.

Pursuit by Pirates

When they were nearly upon us, I spotted Captain Jack Sparrow at the helm...or at least I wanted to see Captain Jack.

Pirates Close In On Swimmers

Flag Girl must have scared them away, because the rest of the swim we were flanked only by Bad-ass Suzie. For shits and giggles, Bad-ass Suzie swam the muthu flippin' English Channel. Why not?

Me? I'm still sore from night one of working out with the Wii Fit. Don't laugh...until you watch this:


Bad-ass Suzie was all perky and shit when she finished the Angel Island swim.

Suzie Badass Finishes

After my Wii Fit workout, I'm taking a week off to recoup.