As The Bewb Turns: Why's My Nipple Over There?

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness MonthImage by jellybean {Michelle} via FlickrLet me preface this by saying that I have had mammograms in the past. My grandmother, great grandmother, and great-great grandmother all had post-menopausal breast cancer. While that does not increase my risk using the spiffy Breast Cancer Risk Formula, it piques the radar of most doctors. So, I started doing the tit squish a little earlier than most, doing my first baseline at 35, rather than 40.

What I have not, however, had the pleasure of doing is a diagnostic mammo. Gosh, was that fun. Woowee! What a treat. And, because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I got not only a pretty pink ribbon pin, but a lovely manicure kit made by some sweet children in China. It's case is a kicky miniature black patent handbag. Wow, the cute.

Some of you may be wondering how a diagnostic mammo differs from a regular mammo. It all boils down to the additional views of your boob. For the purposes of this demonstration, I  need to define a few things:

  1. Your Boob: That thing pressed under glass that you can now see OVER THERE, across the room. Wave to it, ladies. Say, "Hi Bewb!"
  2. Additional Views: Where a standard mammo is usually one horizontal bewb pancake and one 45 degree bewb pancake, the diagnostic mammo comes with a circus trick rarely performed in the wild-- The VERTICAL BEWBCAKE! Yes, it's true. Your bewb is now qualified to be a bookend.

Would I do it all again? Why, yes I would. Why? Because I like my girls. I only do it because I love them. You know, like when you beat your kids in the name of love. It's like that, but it really does hurt me more than it hurts you.

P.S. I still don't know what's up with my boobs, but no one screamed in horror. So, I'm patiently waiting to see the surgeon/boob whisperer next week for my follow-up. I can't wait!