Just because you do doesn't mean you should

Dear Stand-To-Pee Homosapiens,

You cannot stand up to pee.

You think you can.

It's not working out because...

...you miss. Yes, you do. If you think you don't, try the Paper Towel Challenge. Throw some paper towels down around the potty, check for spots. They aren't drips from washing your hands afterwards - 'cause you don't.

You need to write your name in the snow. For these occassions, which are more entertaining than functional, stand up, have some fun, dot an "i", pee on your shoe or your friend or your dog. It's the Great Outdoors. Pee on it. Everything Else has. Make a mental note of where Everything Else lives while you're redecorating the Great Outdoors.

You think we, the sitters of the Urinating Elite, envy your ability to stand. In fact, our standing-aim is as good as yours. However, as the Urinating Elite hold a management role in the Porcelain Caretakers Club, we sit.