NOT the Happiest Place on Earth

We, in our infinite wisdom and love for our children, spent spring break at Disneyland. Fun times. We knew it would be crowded. So, we were ready for it. We've been there at peak times before. Not a big deal. But, we did discover some new things that I thought I'd share:

  1. 7 out of 10 "guests" are morbidly obese, many requiring the use of motorized scooters which they are not licensed to drive. The morbidly obese children ride in wheel chairs or cram into too-small strollers. I don't mean to offend by this comment. Really, I know many people who struggle with weight. I just don't remember it being an issue for such a vast number of folks and so many young children.
  2. The rules do not apply to everyone. Specifically the rules of waiting your turn, saying excuse me, and sitting when you've chosen to watch a show in the "seated only" area. I've folded myself into a pretzel to watch Mickey. I expect you to do the same or move on over to the "standing area."
  3. Polo cologne is still in someone's medicine cabinet and he uses a lot of it.
  4. There's someone for everyone, and they've had kids.
  5. The only happy people at Disneyland are the cast members. (Okay, and maybe the people who know where to get beer and wine - Napa Rose, anyone?)
  6. A giant picture of Goofy looks good on anyone's chest. Flattering as all get out.
  7. You should videotape everything, even from 500 feet away. You know you'll watch it later or send it to relatives who couldn't make the trip to Mecca.
  8. In case you didn't make it to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon, you can make fossil rubbings of faux fossils stamped in the concrete at California Adventure. Nevermind that they're in the middle of a crowded path of people. Just squat down and get to it.
  9. Disneyland and the attractions within exist for your personal photographing pleasure. All other "guests" should clear out so you can take endless photos of your family and friends.
  10. My children are so sheltered they do not know that Coke and Coca-Cola are the same beverage. (Hey, we wanted them to stay awake for the fire works and Fantasmic and I didn't think I could convince them to drink a latte with me.)
Really, though. We had fun. Good times. Just don't let your kids make you ride the damn river boat. There's no gambling or cocktails on board.