My Freecycle Has A Flat

I'm all for passing along unwanted items to better homes where they are wanted/needed/used. Normally, I donate them or give them to friends. Rarely, I sell the items - like the used books I sell on half.com. But, frankly, I'm lazy and not so frugal when it comes to my time. I think it's a remnant of being an overpaid consultant. My time is valuable. I visualize it with dollar signs attached. So, the thought of selling a book, or even 100 books, for less than $4 each just doesn't appeal to me. Factor in the time required to list, pack and ship the item and it just doesn't hit my virtual-hourly rate.

So, when I subscribed to the freecycle list in my area, it was with the best of intentions. I thought it would be a less flaky way to offload things than craigslist. We have donated some amazing stuff to people via craigslist. But, as most of you know, the folks who frequent craigslist range from upstanding fully-formed humans to...well...other beings who've not yet mastered basic executive functioning. So, freecycle seemed like a more regulated means for giving my items a new home.

WRONG! WRONG! Oh, so WRONG! Did I say I was wrong?

Turns out, freecycle is not only full of bigger, better, flakier folks...they are also pickier people with a serious amount of FREE TIME. That must be part of what the "free" in "freecycle" stands for. Free fucking time.

First, the moderator needs a day job. Truly. This is an open message to Ms. Freecycle gatekeeper. Get a life. If I want to follow in the footsteps of my freecycling predecessors and let people know an item is "spoken for", I promise, nobody will care. If they do, perhaps you can all apply for a life over at getalife.com*.

Second, if I include the original post with my message and someone finds it too lengthy, tell them that email software includes a stellar little function called DELETE. If they are using a DIY email program, they can just press the "delete" key on their keyboard. If they have subscribed to the digest version of freecycle, tell them to master email filters. Really. It will make the world a better place.

Finally, if you want my free bookcase, have asked me intimate details about it, including it's favorite color and sign, come pick it the fuck up. Don't email me for the hundredth time to tell me you prefer a hardwood bookcase not one made of particle board (although that IS what "laminate" implies you dim-witted moron) after I've told twenty other people via individual email replies that the item is "spoken for" (since I couldn't send a single email to that effect to the list per Frau Moderator).

So, if Wavy Gravy (my most promising donatee yet), doesn't come pick this damn bookcase up tomorrow, I'm putting it out in the front yard with a "free" sign on it just like the old days. It'll be gone by Friday and in it's new loving home, filled with books and dust bunnies as God intended...a world where they don't even know that something as asinine as Freecycle exists.

*I'm sure there really is a getalife.com, I just don't know a damn thing about it, nor do I want to. I spend most of my time at havealife.com.