If Mama Ain't Happy

So, I'm back on Zoloft. This was not an easy decision. I stopped take a variety of anti-depressant type medications about 6 months ago to see if my fibromyalgia symptoms and weight gain improved. I have to say, the weight definitely improved. So did my energy level. However, my parenting skills tanked. For this reason, above all, I'm trying just the Zoloft again. I've lost my ability to observe my parenting from the outside, something I noticed immediately when I started taking Zoloft 7 years ago. I think that ability is what separates me from the deeper darker side of myself. While I can handle that side sans children, it's not fair to them to be parented by a mother prone to ugly emotional outbursts...daily...okay, hourly. How many f-bombs can two children truly endure? Add to the mix that one of my kids has special needs (Asperger's) and I just can't go it alone. I wasn't wired for it. However, with the Zoloft, I come a lot closer to being the kind of parent I want to be. Plus, it should save on the therapy bills for the kids down the road, or at least make it less likely they'll write a book about me. I told Bob tonight about my decision. I could see he was trying not to break out the champagne and "can I get an Amen". He basically said I needed to figure it out for myself, but was relieved that I had. Love that man.