Fun Things To Do While Your Husband Is Traveling

  1. take dog to get neutered
  2. get transvaginal ultrasound while the radiology tech takes personal calls on her cell phone
  3. have a child rapidly cycle between depressed and manic states daily, sometimes hourly
  4. thank god for dual pane windows
  5. take aforementioned dog in for to the vet for an infection which requires another week as a conehead
  6. brush aforementioned dog for an hour since he hasn't been able to go to the groomer, then find the fleas and apply missed dosage of frontline
  7. have child tell you something black scurried across kitchen floor when coming in from the garage - dismiss as dust bunny
  8. thank god new cleaning people are coming wednesday
  9. spend 20 minutes registering at the hospital lab to pee in a cup for 5 seconds
  10. come home from having new cleaners at your house all day and hear a small critter squeak and make for the garage door as you open the kitchen door (gap under door provided for your scurrying pleasure)
  11. borrow child's flashlight and confirm tell-tale signs of vermin in the garage
  12. duct tape gap between door and floor and vow to avoid anymore trips to garage (who needs to do laundry) until penis returns home to investigate further
  13. add d-con and mousetraps to grocery list (sorry, we're not humane about vermin 'round these parts)
  14. pour cocktail
  15. look out clean windows into pitch-black night and enjoy lemon-fresh scent left by new cleaning people
  16. thank god you can afford good vodka and cleaning people
  17. confirm husband is still coming home tomorrow