Legacy

Image by califmom via Flickr

An email arrived in my inbox last Friday, just after 11pm. It was from a woman I’d never met, a name I didn’t recognize, from a state I’d never visited. It was about how she knew my husband. How she had met him online fifteen years ago in an online game they played. How much he loved me. How he had helped her meet her own husband through that game. It was about what a great friend he was to her, how caring he was.

I cried. Again. Another story. I have an every-growing collection of them that becomes overwhelming at times.

At lunch Monday, as Bob’s mother and I were talking, she said she was struggling with some of the ugliness of what’s been left behind in the wake of his death. So, I told her a few of the stories. “See,” I said. “you raised an amazing son who made a positive impact on so many lives. He touched thousands of people. Not a week goes by that I don’t hear from somebody about how he made a difference in their life.”

And those are just the people I hear from directly. There are also all of the indirect ways people show how Bob impacted them--in how they are living their own lives—changes they’ve made in the way they live, the way they treat each other, charitable causes they’ve taken on in his name, and even simple things like taking time to smell the proverbial roses.

It’s made me think hard about what my legacy will be; who will call when I’m gone, send an email late on a Friday night, call my kids, bring meals, spend the night to keep my family company, and make sure they’re okay long after the sod has been placed over the grave. Will my kindergarten teacher send a card?

What about you?

Who will come to your funeral?

Who will lose sleep over giving your eulogy?

Who will tell your stories?

Who will support your spouse in her time of need?

Will a crowd gather at the funeral reception and discover you were everyone's best friend?

Will there be kids who wished you'd been their father?

What will your life have been about?

What will your legacy be?

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Comments

[Penbleth]

You always write so simply, so beautifully, I have tears every time.

What a great question.

You will leave a great legacy, but not yet.

Live, that's your legacy, and ours.

[Joie]

IT's odd, because I have actually thought about that. I wonder if I have been a good enough friend, daughter, co-worker...to deserve people to tell these great stories. To have them tell my loved ones what an impact I made.

I hope I have. But I don't know.

[mossum]

This was wonderful. A beautiful tribute to Bob and a loving kick in the butt to us all. Brava.

[iamchanelle]

i think about this every day.

this is a beautiful post, written by a true beauty - a living legacy already.lov u.

[Valerie]

New to your blog... I have to tell you that this is something EVERYONE should keep in mind... At least on the backburner, anyways. It makes you stop and think about the kind of person you were in the past, are now, and hope against hope you will be one day in the future. I thank you for passing this lesson along-- You have lost so much, and are giving back even more.Much love from Ohio,Valerie

[BarnMaven]

Years ago in my training to be a volunteer counselor for Shanti (http://www.multifaith.org/shanti) we were guided through a death visualization. Each participant visualized becoming ill, living with illness and eventually dying. We were asked to picture our family, friends, coworkers through every step of the way. We visualized our death, our funeral or memorial service. We visualized the reactions of our parents, spouses, partners, children. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life and one, I hope, that will help me make the right choices about how I talk with and relate to the people around me.

Your husband was an incredible person, and so are you. You have both touched so many lives, helped so many by sharing your experiences with honesty and truth. This was a beautiful post.

[Amanda]

Bob sounds like he was an amazing man. I'm so glad you are hearing more stories of his life ... I know such stories are so valuable.

You my dear, have made an impact on a total stranger on the other side of the world. You have shared your grief with me and I have felt less alone.

I hope I am doing a similar thing for others.......and I hope by writing down MY memories of Greg, I hope to leave more of him here for my kids as they grow up without their Daddy. I hope.

[laura]

you give me chills and something to think long and hard about.how awesome it is to know how that man of your touched others.

[Sherry Carr-Smith]

Life would be easier if you didn't challenge me every time I read one of your posts. Just sayin.

[Amanda]

I found your blog through a blog, through a blog, through a blog...I've been ramblining through your archives for a couple of days now...what a life you and your man had!

Your questions are the ones I fear. Fear that I've not left a mark. That no one will notice if I am gone outside of my immediate circle and honestly, fear that even some of those will move quite quickly past.

And the question, does it even matter if they do?Sorry to be such a downer on my first comment.

[califmom]

Don't let the fear stop you from changing your reality. :)

[Velma]

If I leave only a portion of the type of legacy Bob has, I'll be content.