Subscribe to Califmom via Email

Five Star Friday

Nuts & Bolts

« Search The Best of Handmade | When I Need Him Most »

Snippets In Time

fuck cancerThat’s what blog posts are. They capture a moment in time. They are not fluid. They don’t get updated when information changes or a situation is altered.

They are a slice of life.

A snapshot.

To base our assumptions (ass-ump-tions) on those snippets in time is a dangerous thing. We can use them to try to piece together a picture, but they’ll never give us a perfect image of someone’s everyday life. They’ll never tell you who takes out the trash each day, how many conversations are had at bedtime between a husband and a wife over major life decisions, what kind of agony a person goes through watching their loved one suffer day after day as their body fails them in the simplest of tasks. Instead, you just get snapshots. And you build from there.

If you skip a post, misinterpret the tone, don’t share the writer’s sense of the world or humor, you’re going to paint a different picture altogether. It may be the failing of the writer or the failing of the reader. Either way, it’s going to be an inaccurate picture of that life.

The only way to know a life is to live it. The only life you can know is your own. That’s why you cannot judge the life of another. (Now hold up while I get all religious on you or tune out if it’s not your thing.) That is why the only one to sit in judgment of our lives is our Creator – the same Creator who can handle our anger when we feel let down, our joy when we feel lifted, and our hurt when we don’t understand His plan.

If this past year has taught me anything, it is that I can lean hard on my God. He can handle it all. Every priest and pastor who has counseled me along the way has said just that. The error comes in thinking that He cannot, in thinking that we have to shoulder the fear, anger, frustration, and hate ourselves. We don’t. It is not our job. God can even handle the F-bomb. You’d be amazed.

Reader Comments (23)

OH YES!!!!!!!! YES!YES!YES!Debrap.s.I hope this will work as levity and not as a self-pity party: I keep thinking what a blessing it is that you can know with every fiber of your being how much Bob loved you and did not want to leave. Having him watch over you and guide you is a a way you might not have chosen.Imagine having him choose to leave you for someone you trusted, then move in next door, cause your daughter to have to leave school half way through while he paid for his new wife and both of her kids to go to college, and tell all the professionals he should have full custody of your son, while he leaves the country during his custody time (taking his new wife to England) without so much as telling you contact information, or checking that you are available for your child!Death sucks! And I wrestle with God every day about why great guys like Bob get taken and others get to keep on torturing others day after day.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebra
That is an incredibly powerful post and an incredibly powerful revelation. My Dad is in the end stages of battling cancer and the fact that I know it is not within our control and that he has a God that is important to him, gives me great comfort at this time. I will continue to hold you and your lovely family in my heart and prayers. You are an amazing person - it's an honor to read your blog.

Debra - OMG that is SOOOO crappy!!! I feel the SAME exact way too, why is it that the GOOD guys get taken and the ones that really deserve to suffer and be taken out get to continue to be their arsehole selves hurting so many people??? It's okay though, I know that ONE day they won't have a choice but to meet their maker and will have to stand accountable on judgment day - they WILL have to own up to their sins!

Leah, You hit the nail RIGHT on the head! There is NOTHING too big for our God, and that is what He wants us as His children to do - rely on HIM!

I know I've posted this as a comment here before, but it's still a good one -

"Quit telling your God how big your storm is, and start telling your storm how big your God is!"

LOVE YOU & the kidlets! Stay strong and just keep being the awesome *YOU* you've always been!

May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterO'Neal
God can handle the F bomb - I love it.No life frequently doesn't make sense, it's certainly not easy, clearly bigger than us, and Yes, I believe God is unconditional.Leah I'm glad you have so much support, and I know just from knowing you that you're strong. I haven't been writing enough in any form of social networking, let alone in response to what you've been going through, but I think that you're awesome and am so glad to know you.S
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZip n Tizzy
You do not need to justify yourself to anyone but you and God. Screw anyone who thinks they have the right to sit in judgment. And let the power of God, and the love of those who don't sit in judgment, sustain you now. Everyone else can shut the F**K up!
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEditdebs
So very true. I think in reading blogs we feel like we know people, but we only see tiny portions of each other's lives. I can't begin to fathom that pain you are dealing with, but I am glad you can lean on God. Also my fav line ever is now, "God can even handle the F-bomb".
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenni/mom2nji
Wow. I am so guilty of this. Even having been RL friends (inconsistently though we've seen each other), I think my view of who you are is even more shaped by your writings, these snapshots. And they, as powerful as they are, are only that.

So let's have a drink when you're ready and catch up a bit in this (RL) plane of existence.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeg E
I appreciate the support! But I've kind of developed a philosophy about asking God to bless the arseholes. It is they who are the tools (pun unintended, but nice), by which we are refined. It twists my life to live in hope that they will get punished. I just want to live my life being a blessing to my children and to others. What happens to them is not up to me.I do know God has been closer to me than ever when I've taken Him to the mat with whatever I had to bring. It seems counterintuitive to think that the One who created us wouldn't already know all of it, the shadow and the light. How could we hide it if we wanted to? So F-bomb on! It's all His/Hers anyway!
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebra
Congratulations. You gave an Agnostic-bordering-on-Atheist chills with that last paragraph. :)
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica731
You are a wonderful woman, mother, and wife. Bob is proud of you. I admire your strength and humor; those qualities have helped, along with your faith, and will continue to do so in the days ahead. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts; you are a very special angel here on earth.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermathcat345 (Jann)
Loved the post. God is good and he will take care of you. Also, he can handle all the smack you need to talk to him. He likes to hear from us, ugly or not. I'm praying for you to remain strong and to keep chugging along. God Bless.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLinMarie
well done. your blog is smart and so are the readers that get it. if your writing is above someone's head, it's that person's own damn fault for being a "Ri-tard".
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMisterMike
God is so much a part of me and me of Him. It does help to know He is there. And, he HAS handled the "F" bomb from me many times. I'm glad you have Him in your life. God bless and keep you.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCathe
You betcha - God knows we are human and that we get angry. Really angry. and sad. and he loves us anyway.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda
True words, Leah, both about the incredibly small slice of a person that we truly get from their blog writing, and also that God's the One Who is there, always. He's bigger than all of it, all the struggle, all the pain, all the anger and the sorrow.

I do want to say that the small piece of you that I see from your blogging portrays a woman who is incredibly bright, articulate, deeply loving and so observant. You have a way with a phrase that makes reading what you write a pleasure. Just sayin.
May 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarnMaven
Great post. God can handle the F-bomb and so can we.

Let 'er rip sister.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNancy
Sometimes I wonder if slowly losing someone and being able to communicate fears, worries, love, and joy with one another knowing that there is nothing you can do to stop time is worst than losing someone abruptly and not being able to share those things or say your goodbyes. I guess in either scenerio, none would be ideal. Everyone grieves differently. You show so much strength but are also not afraid to admit your fears. This extraordinary combination is admired by many. Bob may not be here with you but your souls are still connected. God will not give you more than you can handle. He is simply building your tolerance to love more. And your love will be contagious.
May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHanh
I am relatively new to CalifMom, but I've been here long enough to see a 'snippet' of what you are about. Is it okay that I kinda love you for it? We don't know one another at all, but I just can't help it.

You are amazing and strong example of love.
May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermrschaos
You know, I felt kinda weird ending a tweet to you with #fuckcancer because I knew people that went to my church are followers, but really, what else can you say? And I figure God feels the same way. I hope He gives you the strength to live on. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErika
eff yeah.amen and amen.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteriamchanelle
;pGod can TOTALLY handle the F-bomb.

& yeah, just snippets--but your snippets are pretty awesome. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAl_Pal
I whole heartedly agree that in times like this you can only lean on God...and that yes, He can even handle the F bomb. Many prayers and hugs to you and your family.
May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky
I too have "Fuck cancer" as a tag on my blog posts. It made me smile when I saw that; it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels that way and has appropriated the term for my own use. I also love this post. Many positive thoughts coming your way.
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate J

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>