Twenty-One More, Please

I go to sleep tonight hoping Bob is stable enough for chemo tomorrow. Spooning him on the eve of the anniversary of the day we met just twenty-one years ago and praying, wishing, hoping beyond all that is reasonable for twenty-one more years. In reality, I'd be blessed to have that many months.

I've come to wonder things like why don't they make queen-sized hospital beds? Having Bob home for just that first night, being able to lie next to him -- it healed us both. How many patients would benefit from being able to lie next to a loved one?

I've also been overwhelmed by the love and generosity of our friends, family, and complete strangers. If you've lost your faith in humanity, spend an hour in my world. From the janitor who cleaned my husband's hospital room to friends who have adopted my family as their own, know that we are loved, prayed for, and thought of by the most beautiful souls on this planet. I am humbled every single day.

Comments

[Tony Letts]

Keep up the fight ....and keep us informed - complete stranger :)

[ME]

Bob can pull through this. My friend came out of the worst possible scenario when she had cancer (leukemia). She was literally on her death bed. The priest was there giving her final rites. Her body was completely septic. But fuck if she didn't pull through. And has been cancer free for the past 7 years. Right now more than ever your focus and especially Bob's focus needs to be on his health and well-being. Focus on his health, not the cancer. Just look at how far he has come and keeps coming. Bob keeps coming back. He wasn't meant to come home but where is he? This disease will not bring him down and he will come out of it. He will be healthy again and not only will you be celebrating years you've been together but you will be celebrating a new anniversary of years his body has been healed. My love and prayers are with you and Bob every single day.

[Kristeneileen]

I believe in miracles, and if there's anyone out there tenacious and compassionate enough to make them happen, it's you. More love from another (former!) stranger, to all of you. (We should get on top of that larger patient bed idea. You're brilliant.)

[Sue Pozniak]

I too have a very dear friend who survived stage 3 Ovarian Cancer and Liver Cancer. She is alive, healthy and beautiful. I believe that Bob will be healed. You are strong, he is strong and God hears our prayers. Hope is a mainstay. Continue your hope. Focus on healing and we'll focus on the praying. Good Luck today!!! (fingers crossed)

[Colleen]

My friends mother was diagnosed with an inoperable gigantic cancerous brain tumour, the biopsy revealed a very aggressive and lethal cancer. They were told to get their affairs in order and be prepared for her imminent death. She lived 21 more years. You and Bob will beat this!

[Nancy Nelson]

I read your blog and my heart swells and tears roll. Tears of frustration because I can't make your pain go away and I can't be closer to offer hands on help. Tears of awe at the strength you both show and the love you have. Tears of anger because this country spends money so foolishly and doesn't make a concentrated effort to wipe out cancer. You, Kristi and Nikki continue to amaze me that you have moved forward from the giggily, rebellous teenaged girls (really, Leah, vodka in the jello?)to the awesomely strong women that you are now. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

[dawnmatthews@comcast.net]

You are in everyone's thoughts. I am so glad Bob got to come home with you, so grateful you did get to spoon your man and just breathe together. I will be thinking of you today.

[Cheryl]

I believe in miracles too! And you're soooooo right about hospitals allowing for beds that are large enough to sleep two (in ICU, maternity, etc.). I think it would make ALL the difference in the world.

I'm still praying and sending love and support and light and everything warm/fuzzy/awesome/lovely that I can think of. May you have 21 more years and THEN some!

XOXO's x infinity,

@Jasperblu

[Jenny Talia]

Adding my hugs for you to the pileI hope you know you're an amazing lady!JT

[Miss Grace]

21 more. Please.

[Jeff]

Just keep on Fucking.....you know, Cancer!Thinking of you both constantly and sending all the power I can muster.

[Jason SMith]

I've been checking this thing about 10 times a day hoping he got cleared for more chemo - YEAH!!! Keep fighting!!!

[Supa Dupa Fresh]

Bigger beds? Are you kidding? You expect the insurance companies to pay an aide to change YOUR HALF of the sheets?

HA!

Not to mention who's liable if such connubial activity results in an unwanted pregnancy. The legal activity alone will generate millions of dollars for the economy. On second thought, this might happen after all.

(Who thought I'd be happy to hear about someone starting chemo? My oh my. But I am.)

[Megan Hook]

To 21 more... YEARS.

#fuckcancer

[debbie]

I've devoted all my strength points for the year to you and Bob.

(They're the good ones, too. Not all crusty and smeared with cheeto dust.)

[Alex]

I don't understand why they don't make bigger hospital beds either. I remember when we had our first baby and my husband was stuck on an uncomfortable "bed/chair" and when we all tried to crowd into my bed, well, it was not comfortable for my just-had-a-baby body. But the last thing I wanted was to be further away from him (or the baby).Hospitals aren't built for patients. They are built for business. And out health and experiences in hospitals are not just business.I'm glad that the staff at least rocks for y'all and I'm sending a prayer too.

[Jamie]

Your posts are so touching and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing this difficult journey with us. Sending prayers your way.

[Linzeliza]

You are my hero.

Cancer has taken over my husbands side of the family and we pray (or whatever it is we do) each and every day that we are doing the right things to keep him (my husband) as healthy as possible.

I wish Bob nothing but good health. Happy anniversary to you both. Hang in there, woman. If anyone has the patients to help beat this fucker, it's you. So admirable.

Thank you, califmom.

[iamchanelle]

i have been praying - and praying some more!

so happy you two are able to be home - and close to each other.

<3

peace.

[angelynn]

I completely agree on the need for queen beds in hospital rooms (anywhere healing is supposed to take place). The power of the two of you just being able to be close is stronger medicine than anything the hospital has to offer. I admire your strength and his. Keep fighting. I'll stand next to you and fight too. Fuck cancer.

[Kelley]

crazy that there are no king sized beds.

When I gave birth to Boo, there were kingsized beds in the labour ward. we got to snuggle up with our newborn together for the 5 days I was in.

Why can't they do that for you? So much more important.

[Tina Cruz]

we are here. And we are legion.

If nothing else, we are going to figure out how to get some got-dammed King Size beds to the cancer wards, yeah? I am on it. You?

[Tina Cruz]

I stand with ME. It happens. Over and over again. Look at Anissa. Not cancer, but you know. He has beaten once, he'll beat it again.

[Kboogie01]

Keep the faith chica! U r so right...as this fight against cancer makes u grateful 4 the little things...Todays my hubbies last day of chemo...aft 6 mos...now on to radiation..F cancer!

[Al_Pal]

To quote The Grateful Dead [ahem],

"I need a miracle, every day"[http://artsites.ucsc.edu/GDead/AGDL/mira.html]



I'll keep on prayin'vibin'positive-juju-ing at y'all.