My Husband Is My Power Animal

Yesterday, I wore a big-ass black hat, à la Andie MacDowell. If you can’t rock a black hat at your husband’s funeral, when can you? It provided shade for a small village -- my village. The children could duck under it during the memorial mass, I could tip the brim down to hide my face, and when the time came to give the eulogy, I could raise the brim up to face the hundreds gathered to celebrate my husband as he carried my voice one more time.

For those who were unable to attend, these were the words I spoke:

“I am flanked by angels. The angels who walked the final weeks of my husband's life with me, held me up, both literally and spiritually. Janell and Telsche were going to speak in my place because I didn't think I would be able to, but Bob made me a promise before he passed. He promised that he would watch over me and that I would be strong enough to handle this without his physical presence.

My husband was fearless. Even though he fought to live, he did not fear dying.

Bob was the youngest of six children. He was also everybody's favorite. In theory this should have turned him into a spoiled brat. Instead, it gave him an immense capacity to love and strength of character. He knew who he was. If you didn't love Bob, the problem was with you, not him. And love him we did.

His capacity to love was rivaled only by his ability to make you laugh. Even in his final moments he was making us laugh. A few weeks ago, as we were somberly discussing his funeral wishes, he leaned back, gently closed his eyes and said, ‘When I picture my Jesus, he's front row, wearing a tuxedo t-shirt at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, because my Jesus is formal, but he likes to party.’

Bob never asked for his journey to be easy.

His infectious love of life will forever be the beauty that I see in the faces of our children in the years ahead.

Thomas Campbell said it best when he wrote, "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."

You will live in our hearts forever, Bob. I love you.”

Comments

[heather...]

He will live on forever.

xoxo

[Redneck Mommy]

That made my eyes well up. Bob must be very proud of you, from where he is.

I know I am.

[Janet Isserlis]

oh, leahlovely

holding you, your children, those who loved bob too in my heart and prayers

and the hat.and the love.all of it

[Kim]

Amazing. Both of you. Thanks for sharing that.

[Rebekah]

Beautiful. Hugs to you.

[Jaydensmommie]

You are one hot mama.

Love you, Leah. <3

[Jen]

Thank you for sharing. Love the hat :)

[Adrienne]

It sounds silly, but I was so proud of you, to be able to stand up there and speak in front of everyone. You are strong and yes, you have AMAZING friends, I am so glad to have met them,

[Bejewell]

You are fabulous.

[Darryle Pollack]

Beautiful---the words, the love, the hat, and you.

[Lisa @letstalkbabies]

That gave me goosebumps and tears. Hugs to all of you. Thank you for sharing what you said for him at his memorial.

[califmom]

You are one of those amazing friends! Thank you.

[mommabird2345]

That brought tears to my eyes. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[katydidsays]

Beautiful.

[pgoodness]

Crying here, because the two of you make the most spectacular team, and knowing that he will always be with you and the kids.

And the hat? Fucking spectacular. Seriously.

[Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me]

Beautiful. You. The Hat. The Words.

[dawnmatthews@comcast.net]

You were inspiring Leah. Seeing you yesterday and listening to those words was wonderful. I am so sorry for you loss and you know Bob will be missed. You did rock that hat. So going to see you soon and hug you again. And knock back some Don Julio in honor of Bob!

[Karen]

You know who else was looking down on that hat and smiling in approval? Karine, in her crushed-velvet red coat.

You are awesome, and no one would have blamed you if you'd been unable to speak at the funeral, but WOW, you did it.

Peace and love.

[Davina]

That was beautiful. You are beautiful.

[HalynB]

Anyone who could inspire such a beautiful tribute must have been an awesome man. You must feel so blessed to have shared a life with him.

You and yours remain in my thoughts.

[Cathe]

So beautiful. What a wonderful loving man he must have been. I love a sense of humor...it can get you through the darkest hours. Thanks for sharing. God bless and keep you. *My Jesus has a whoopie cushion*

[LeslieSColeman]

Leah, The Bloggess directed me here about a week ago. I am so sorry for your loss. This post was absolutely lovely. Thank you for sharing with us, and please know there are many thinking of you tonight.

[Gia Beem Woodruff]

Beautiful Leah...

[Courtney Fullerton]

Gorgeous eulogy, even more beautiful strength. Your children are lucky, despite everything. Thank you for sharing.

[Carrie]

I'm speechless.

You had me at big-assed black hat.