Biopsies And Breakdowns

Tuesday we’ll be starting our day at Kaiser with a bone marrow biopsy for Bob, then heading off to Stanford for a number of classes, appointments, and tests.

He’ll be signing paperwork for medical trials. I’ll be taking a caregiver class along with my back-up caregiver, my most awesome sister-in-law, Theresa. Bob will be doing some more blood tests, I believe.

Monday he had blood tests and a pulmonary lung function test. Later in the week it’s another PET scan.

We still have the housing issue to resolve.

The kids are both exhibiting signs of stress, which means Bugs tics are off the hook here at home and Peanut is in full-blown angsty teen mode, convinced we’re ruining her life because she can’t have friends over if they’ve been sick or around people who’ve been sick. All of this is normal and expected. And all of it sucks. For them. For us.

It’s not fair.

It isn’t.

It’s not fair that their father has cancer.

Life is not fair.

It is a shitty thing to learn when you’re eleven and thirteen.

It’s a shitty thing to learn, period.

And as the transplant date comes closer, and the reality of what that means, the possibilities, the risks, the future, comes into view, I need the support of my magical unicorn friends and my real-life friends. Because I’m falling apart.

It’s time for those funny notes you guys send, emails, text messages…those little things that keep me going. Throw some prayers in if you’re so inclined, too.

Comments

[Sarah]

Fuck. Sometimes I think I have problems and then I get perspective like this.Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing.I think my son went to school with a pair of my knickers in his bag this morning (clean!). It paaaaaaaains me, but it might make you giggle.Fuck cancerLove Sarah (Crazycolours)

[califmom]

As long as he leaves them in his bag, you should be alright. And, hey, at least it wasn't your bra, right? Thanks for the giggle. :)

[Janet Isserlis]

fuck cancer. sort of coming up short in the what's funny yet department. when i'm really scraping the bottom of my psychic bottle i go to Josh Hopkins weirds list on twitter. something there almost always makes me laugh.

been thinking about you, and the family.sending love, and a bad pun i sent to another friend just starting chemo - she asked that we think/support her meditation to shrink her tumor.

Little engine that could: I shrink, I can. I shrink, I can.

[Debra]

Even my funny stories don't seem funny right now. Sending all the positive energy/prayers/reiki I've got your way! Debra

[Bethamphetamine]

I just typed out a 25-minute glass half-full reply. But, you know what? It's bullshit.

It sucks that your kids have a father with cancer. It sucks that my kids have a mother with cancer.

It sucks that you- and my husband- have spouses with cancer.

Cancer sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

But, I'll post TWO funny stories on my blahg today. They're for you. I hope they make you laugh until you shit your pants.

'Cause there's just nothing like a public pants-shitting to make you forget about cancer for two minutes. =)

[Cathy]

Oh, Leah ... I am definitely keeping you, Bob and the kids in my prayers. It is hard enough dealing with cancer on it's own, and teen angst on it's own ... but put those two together, and ...... wow.

I know I keep saying ... "if there's anything I can do ..." and it's true. Seriously. Need some laundry done? Shopping? Want me to take the kids to a movie or bring them over here? Need your floors scrubbed? I'll even scrub your toilets. I'll send you a private message with my cell number. Feel free to text or call anytime.

I am going to send you some of the stories of how the 6-week visit with my in-laws went. Yes, I did say 6-fucking-weeks.

Hang in there, Leah ... you are just an amazingly strong woman ... and know that your friends, family and cyber-pals are here for you when you are having those not-so-strong moments. We love you!!

[Michelle Molina Zabell]

Hey Leah, Thinking of you and Bob and the kiddos. Praying, sending healing thoughts and wishes. I get it especially from the perspective of Bob being a father.

I don't have anything witty or smart to say. Still drowning in my own sadness for my dad, but know that you are on my mind, and I am wishing for only the best.

((((hugs)))

Michelle

[Bob]

It's been said that cancer is harder on the spouse of the person with cancer. I wish there was more I could do for you. However, you can look at some of the good things:

We get to spend much more personal time with each other (whether you like it or not:))

It is now known that I can actually combine more than 2 food sources to make a meal (and the meal actually tastes good)

Our kids see, hang out with, and talk to their dad more than they used to; no more 5 day trips!

Work days and weekends are much more relaxing

Grandparents are getting to play a bigger part in the kids lives

Unsolicited love and friendship from both people we see often and not-so-often

We are all learning new things about how the body works; more reasons to stay healthy

There always seems to be ice cream in the house and smiles and laughter. (In between the 'you are sitting on my cushion' banter)

And it appears that the essential things are covered: house, food, clothing, transportation, and medical coverage. <-- I know, the guy in me came out. :)

And don't forget, I love you!

P.S. I think there is a Benny Hill marathon in the works if you want to see something funny.

[Jeff]

Bob, you ROCK! It is so hard to see the good at times like this and you are exhibiting some damn good vision!Leah, you are a ROCK! If you feel you are falling apart know that are a lot of us with glue, tape and whatever else is needed. You both are survivors and are going to survive this ordeal stronger than ever!It seems it is only when we are cornered with a gun to our head do we really find out how strong out inner resolve is. Hang in there and know that you both have a lot of people kicking, screaming and Fucking cancer in its rightful orifice! I guess you can be thankful they have not taken Bob's last bit of dignity and invaded him via the "Hershey Highway" which I am sure would make for a lovely blog from either of you. As always when I need a good giggle I invoke the mystical power of "KSG" and remember the time she sang an "a cappella" version of "my charona"...only difference being the first words out of her mouth were "my Vagina" so with that thought and knowing her I am sure you can fill some blanks! FUCK CANCER!!!

[Nancy]

Dammit Bob. You made me cry. and here I was ready to post my own "Fuck Cancer" chant and send unicorns and fairy dust to your wife.

Hang in there Leah. When this is all over, you and Bob need to come see me in Vegas. We'll blow the lid off this town.

[Al_Pal]

Awww, love the comments. Sending massive love and mellowing vibes, along with the long-term goal of awesome bone marrow for Bob.

[Al_Pal]

And, obviously, the cancer banished as a result of Awesome Bone Marrow.

*HUGS*

[Darryle Pollack]

I don't want to write a long comment here but I could have written the same words myself about life re: my kids when I had cancer. I knew this would ruin their lives to suffer as they did when they were so young: 7 and 11.Those kids are now 21 and 25 and in many ways, are more equipped and adaptable than many of their peers. I can't say it was all because of cancer, and I won't ever say or think cancer is a good thing---but I do think living through this experience gave them perspective and experience and wisdom that will stand them well in year to come---because life really isn't fair.In other news I have two men close to me (older than Bob) who went thru stem cells for lymphoma and came through it great---hang in there. Thinking of you.

[Deb]

De lurking to say I've got big love for you, Leah.

[Debra]

Okay! I found something funny to say!One of my students during small group time this morning proudly said, "Look, Miss Day!" and showed me a hole about the size of a quart jar lid in the crotch of her pants. Now I knew she was not going to get through the day at a middle school with that. So, I go tup and immediately called the nurses office to try and get some emergency sweat pants for her. As I dial the phone, I turn to see she has yanked on the hole and is now wearing one pant leg and one flapping strip of cloth on the other leg. Luckily replacements were found, and she made it through the day.Later, I got to have a bathroom break myself. Some days, I don't. When I got there and pulled down my britches, lo and behold, I had my underwear on inside out! I must have been really tired this morning. At least they weren't on the outside of my clothes. Such is the life of a special ed. teacher. I have found my tribe. Hope it made you smile any way.Debra

[califmom]

Now that was a good story!

[califmom]

:)

[O'Neal]

Did I ever tell you about the time I stole my patient from his special antigerm pressurized room? His cell count was in the negatives and he'd been confined to that room for 24 days so... I wrapped him in every sheet and blanket in the room, added a mask only leaving his eyes visible, and swiped a wheel chair. We (ok, me, cause he couldn't really move with all the protective wrapping) literally took off running down the hall trying not to tip "ET" over as we ducked into a corner evading the nurses desk, perfectly timing the opening of the elevators,dashing to our escape to freedom dodging orderlies and ass flashers dragging IV poles - to the parking deck. All just to see what fresh air still smelled like, and to laugh until we cried.

I swear cancer saved our marriage. So just think what it would do for a marriage that was already awesome??? Ya'll are going to be thicker than cold grits by the time this is all over! Not to mention the sparkles on your super woman cape should be blinding to mere mortals by now! And Bob! It sounds like you've done your digging and can take on the world! That really IS the best medicine to keep your spirits as high as possible!

PS - The large size rubber gloves hanging on the wall in the hospital room can double for a rubber in a pinch. And the act itself is good for raising the good germ fighting cells...if you feel up to it! Don't ask me how I know that.

Love you lady! XOXO

PPS - I know you're busy, but I think it's time Chemo Boy makes his return and morphs into something bigger and better!

[Jeff]

I think O'Neal is on to something with the re-emergence of Chemo-Boy....I said it before and I will say it again, GROUP CHEMO-BOY TATTOOS!now where the hell is that "prince" like symbol you made up

[califmom]

God love ya, woman!

[Kristine]

I overheard Noah asking Rich what chubby meant this morning.

Rich told him it was when someone was just a little bit heavy.

Noah says, "oh, like you dad."

Then he said, "mommy's not chubby."

Nope, I'm way past chubby...



And then later I walked into the bathroom (where we keep a water bowl and some treats for the cats) and found my 2 year old on all fours drinking like a kitty from the water bowl in between bites of cat treats.

Maybe more cute than funny I guess. I'll work on the funny!

[califmom]

Love it!