First-World Rant

After renting umpteen apartments during my college years, I couldn’t wait to be a homeowner. Our first purchase was a brand spankin’ new condo. We lived there for a whole two years, painted a few walls, hung a pre-fab mantle over the fireplace, and battled an ant invasion just before selling it for a tidy profit.

Twelve years later, we’re still in the house we purchased after we sold that condo. It’s a house with “character.” Do you know what that translates into?

Shit falls apart, constantly. I don’t think it’s any different in new construction, actually, because new homes are often built out of shoddy mass-produced crap, but our house falls apart because shit is old, worn out, and just tired of doing its job. Or, it falls apart because we’ve replaced it with something newish that isn’t made to last and we’ve now lived here for twelve years. So, it’s falling apart and isn’t made to be repaired. It’s made to be replaced.

It appears as if the useful life of everything is expiring at the same exact moment.

At present the list includes:

• washing machine (possessed)
• trash compactor (angry)
• pool pump (blown, non-euphemistically)
• refrigerator (recalled AND leaking)
• kitchen faucet (disintegrating)
• toilet handle (detached, emotionally and physically)
• wood floors (decrepit)
• fences (floppy)
• oven (cooling)

Fortunately, for the low-low price of $75 a pop, a repair man (and it always seems to be a man, one desperately in need of crack spackle) will come to our home, between the hours of noon and 5pm, to tell us just how jacked up said appliance/home repair is, give us an estimate, and be on his merry way.

Turns out money does grow on trees. The landscaper will even plant them for you. I’ve got an estimate.

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Comments

[TheCottonWife]

I hear you. We live in an 19th century farmhouse. The thing is? All the original stuff is perfect, gorgeous in fact. The previous homeowners did a "remodel" in the 60's using nothing but crap... and now all that crap is falling apart at the same time. Awesome.

[T@SendChocolate]

Yeah, it's that entropy crap. Two years ago we redid the house because of the housefire. We STILL have shit falling apart. The door stoppers are falling out of the bottom of the doors because they were installed wrong. My 1K Miele washer is frickin' SQUEAKING (argh!) and the door we paid way too much money for because it was a cool Craftsman style is separating at the bottom. The retractable screen frame broke and is being propped by a brick. I think I have a post here! Will link to you.

T.

[califmom]

It's astounding, isn't it? Makes me want to go back to renting so all I haveto do is nag my landlord and bitch about that.

[Maternal Mirth]

We have a brand new home that is showing signs of 'character' ... wtf?