The Elephant In The Room

This time, the elephant’s unbuttered.

When my husband was originally diagnosed with cancer the onset was quick, but we didn’t realize what was happening.

This time, we know. We’ve been given the heads up and the pace of the return of his symptoms immobilizes me at times. And we just got the news 6 days ago.

Once again, I’m watching him die before my eyes. Once again, he’s telling me he’ll beat it. Once again, I’m not so sure.

I hear the crackling sound when he breathes, hear him cough as he tries to speak, tell him it’s alright to take something for the pain in his lung, curl up next to him when he goes to bed early exhausted, and watch his face swell more each day.

And it’s only been six days. And my mind goes to the darkest places. Like how would I do this alone? How would our children survive without their father? And then I just have to stop. Because I can’t deal the elephant that isn’t here. The What If Elephant. I have to deal with the What Is Elephant.

On a lighter note:

• "The Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody" (culturepopped.blogspot.com)

Comments

[Summer]

(((((HUGS)))))

[Tom Thomas]

Praying for you guys

[califmom]

:)

[califmom]

Thank you.

[Debra]

Well put. A lesson for all of us. Putting you on prayer chains across the country.

[califmom]

Thank you.

[O'Neal]

Girl I SO know how hard it is to stop your mind from going there when you're basically already there. My hubby's family has a motto, "if you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist", which if that was really how it worked would be totally awesome.

As hard as it is, try and keep your head up and when those intrusive fears start creeping in, try going to a mental happy place envisioning him fully recovering and ya'll celebrating yet another victory. Positive thinking is easier said than done most of the time, I know. And also, it's not only OK but perfectly healthy to just curl up and cry. Finding the balance is the trickiest part. Especially when you've got yung'n's watching.

And if you ever ever ever need anyone to listen, share, cry with, etc, I'm here - seriously, don't ever hesitate to call! If anything, listening in on the insanity of my house may take your mind off of things even for just a minute!{{BIG HUGS!!!}}}XOXO

[Kelley]

I am trying to think of some thing funny to say to make you smile, if only for a second.

But I am coming up empty.

Cause NOTHING beats muppets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM&feature=fvst

(I have seen this a bajillion times and it still cracks me up. Because I am five, obviously)

MWAH

[califmom]

Can't miss with Sesame Street.

[Nancy Neksib]

Love you.

[Jeff]

Sending you two all my positive energy.Please, just give me one shot at kicking cancer in the fucking balls. cop a serious attitude Bob, we are all with you and believe you will beat this again.Fuck Cancer



see you in fuckin' church

[Jeni]

Leah, Bob & kids,

I just found out; I am so sorry. I can pray and will be praying like crazy.

Love to you all,

Jeni

[califmom]

Thank you, Jeni. We love your prayers. :)

[Al_Pal]

Gah. Envisioning healthy, happy recovery-time sounds like a good way to pray. I'll do that.

*HUGS*

[califmom]

Thank you.