And Now, We Wait

I am not a patient person, but I’m learning. I’m being forced, like a buttered-elephant through a rabbit hole, inch-by-buttery-squeaking-inch, I learn to wait.

I learn to wait to be able to pray again.

I learn to wait for Bug’s tics to settle so he can sleep.

I learn to wait for my own sleep to come.

I learn to wait while my back heals from overdoing it the day before.

I learn to wait for doctor’s appointments.

I learn to wait for test results.

I learn to wait for answers to questions I don’t really want answered because I didn’t really want to ask them in the first place—What’s the prognosis? What is the stage? What is the treatment protocol? When will it start? Will he make it? Where will we be for Christmas? Will there be a next Christmas? How will we do this? Will I be strong enough?

Why?

Why?

Why?

And then I remember I’m a buttered elephant in need of a shower. Have you ever tried to fit a buttered elephant into a standard-sized shower? Fuckin’ A.

Comments

[Jeff]

Every morning I try to fit my big ass into the shower, been using Extra Virgin Olive Olive myself, Garlic Infused even. Helps with my cholesterol. Stay strong, you are and will be. And know that we are here if needed.

[VDog]

If you're a buttered elephant, what does that make me???

Huh.

;)

[califmom]

What kinda critters do ellies hang with? Meeses? Your my mouse muse, twaffle hunter! :)

[Debra]

We live with the illusion of control. It comes as a shock to discover we have very little. There is a place of surrender that resembles peace. Sometimes I wait there. A lot of the time I spend in the ring with God, wrestling.A buttered elephant pushed through a keyhole is altered. I suppose it makes you the key. I will have to think about that for a while.We wait with you, dear ones.

[Kelley]

Waiting bites. Even if you are a buttered elephant.

Probably more so.

[O'Neal]

***This is the comment I was GOING to leave 2 days ago and now TypePad says it's too late so here it is here-

I wasn't going to comment because I don't even know where to begin...but know I love you and will be praying harder than I ever have. There has GOT to be a silver lining, a bigger picture somewhere in here, we just can't see it yet.

And know I'm here for you, any time, to listen, to cry with, to cuss with... and also know you are my hero as you are walking the line I've been living in fear of for the last 3 years.

{{{BIG HUGS!!!}}}

[califmom]

Thank you. All these hugs and prayers are helping to hold me up right now.

[Fear and Parenting in Las Vega]

Oh honey. It's been a hell of a month for a lot of us. You are all in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you're able to have a nice thankgiving in spite of this crap.

[califmom]

It sure has been. You have do your best to enjoy Thanksgiving and I promise to do the same.